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Nov. 5th, 2005 @ 12:37 am A NETWORLD OF NERDS. I don't have any real friends.

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I am officially a huge nerd. Yeah, you know this online journal and its imature content. You would not believe i am going to turn 24 in a few months.
So I tried to avoid my homework tonight once more. And I haven't found anything better to do than stalking my classmate on the internet...
It's expedient I meet new people and party.
I need a tight schedule
I really need a tight schedule
I need to spend less time in bed
I need action
I need people around
I need a lot of things

So how have my stalking job turned out?
I discovered X was a huge nerd as well.I mean a HUGE nerd. I read one of his posts on a forum; it was the story of a peasant who read his wife's Panini album that has pictures of Nazi generals. I found messages of him a a few forums, and I don't like the way he writes and expresses himself. It's not that bad, but it's...a nerdy way of writing. the word nerdy fits perfectly.It's not crude. I like crude, raw and spontaneity things. I guess he's spontaneously nerdy. He has a loud style too. He likes writing, he told me so. I hope when he really gives it a try he puts more guts into it. I will not take what his material on the net for a real sample of his writing. I'll give him "le bénéfice du doute".
I also found out he had a myspace profile...but I'll keep it a secret.

It's really fun how small the internet makes the world. It's a huge virtual space that pools people from every countries and yet you always end up 'meeting' the same kind of people as you do in life, they hang out in the same places on the internet and in the real world.

Alright. So my classmate is certainly one of the nerdiest person on Earth, but for all that I still like him. It also reasures me that I can write better than he does. If I don't play the bass good enough for his band and if they kick me out , I 'll still have that for me and I could think 'anyway you write like shit'. It made me feel cool...i dont know why there's really no reason to feel so. I am stil waiting for him to talk to me into joining the band again.

He gave me this Erase Errata record telling me "these is what we call riot girls"...I thought inwardly "yeah,man.. I've heard about riot girls before, they really ain't new. I hope you've heard about Bikini Kill at least'. But I was unfair thinking that cause he has a decent musical knowledge, I guess.

Well I don't understand why I am growing so critical about people since a few months, even to peopl who are nice to me.

Oct. 21st, 2005 @ 04:49 pm back in black

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current disease:

good
Dope: 20 Miles- I am a lucky guy

So yeah I am back from my internship.I am pretty happy about what I did there, I feel I gained self-confidence and experience. I made new friends too. I started class this week, I need to catch up three weeks and find a new tutor for my new research...I hope everything goes alright.

Yesterday I had this class about comics, I found out a guy I more or less knew enrolled in this course too. He came up to me trying to strike up a conversation. He was lucky I kinda always liked him before, I thought he might have been cool. He made plenty of jokes during class,more or less funny. To say the truth, he is a bit loud sometimes, but I can bear it.
Then he asks me if he can drink water from my bottle, 'sure' I told him. While he was drinking and after, I started to think "maybe his drinking water from my bottle is an indirect way to kiss me, like a sign...I wonder if boys get hard-ons in class, does he have one right now?'. Yeah....
Then I looked attentively at his mouth, his teeth and his lips. He has irregular teeth, a bit yellow, and he has not the kind of lips I like, pouty lips, his are shapeless. But he has an interesting ugliness about him,and big sad eyes, like a guy from Transylvania named Igor, i dunno, it was a guy in a cartoon when I was a kid.

May. 11th, 2005 @ 01:54 am weak at heart

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current disease:

exanimate
Dope: sticky fingers

Je viens à peine de rentrer.J'ai passé une excellente soirée,ça faisait des lustres.Cette nuit de Mai 2005,m'a fait cadeau d'un moment de grace,un de ces moments rares que l'on voudrait ne jamais voir finir, dont on s'efforce de graver chaque seconde dans sa mémoire et son coeur pour le revivre à volonté.
Ca faisait plus d'un an que je n'avais pas vu Mickael,il revient peine d'Angleterre, et m'a fait l'honneur de me consacrer une des ses premières soirées de retour.On s'est d'abord réfugié dans une salle sombre de l'Utopia,on a vu Mysterious Skin.Le genre de film dont on est tout les deux friands, qui nous scotche à l'écran.Ca nous a toujours fasciné et rapproché ce gout pour l'Amérique trash dans toute sa splendeur et son horreur, les histoires de kids défoncés et paumés qui révelent mieux que personne la part de beauté dans la fragilité qu'on cache tous quelque part.Peut-importe de quoi parlait le film, notre soirée de retrouvaille ne pouvait pas débuter sans cette séance de cinéma.
Après, on a juste marché et discuté,en arpentant les rues de la ville.Nos pas rythmaient nos paroles.On avait pal mal de choses a se dire, on ne pouvait pas s'arreter de parler et de marcher.L'odeur et la chaleur de cette nuit de pringtemps nous poussaient à nous avancer encore et encore dans la ville.Les pavés des rues pietonnes sur les quelles résonaient delicatement nos pas, les pierres des maisons jaunatre que l'éclairage des lampadaires rendait incandescentes, creait une atmosphère nocturne douce,intime et magique.
Puis on est tombé sur une petite rue étroite mais accueillante,un banc nous attendait.On s'est assis.On a contemplé les étoiles un moment.Chacun de nous sait comme l'autre apprécie la contemplation d'un ciel étoilé par une nuit de pringtemps.On était parfaitemet en phase à ce moment là, comme si on ne s'était jamais quitté.J'arrivaisà ressentir notre amitié comme un lien physique,un cordon ombilical invisible qui nous liait à jamais l'un à l'autre meme séparés par des milliers de kilomètres.Mikael brisa le silence juste au bon moment."C'est dommage que tu parte en Californie dans six mois.C'est comme si on faisait que se croiser à chaque fois.Je sais que je vais m'amuser avec les autres, mais sans toi c'est carrément pas pareil."Cette phrase m'a laissé sans voix.C'est bizarre, l'amitié qui nous unit s'est toujours manifestée comme un sorte d'accord tacite,en tout cas de sa part.Il ne m'a pas habitué a ce genre de phrase,le genre de propos qui pourrait trahir sa dépendance à notre lien.J'ai juste laché un "je sais",comme une simple locution.Mais interieurement,je me sentais heureuse, je me disait que vraiment c'était la seule personne à reconaitre ma valeur, et que vraiment c'était d'autant plus génial que je reconaissais la sienne.Mon meilleur ami était un des gars les plus cools que la terre ait jamais porté, et ça faisait automatiquement de moi une des filles les plus cools.On s'est toujours servi de faire-valoir l'un l'autre, surtout au début, juqu'à qu'on réalisent qu'on ne s'était pas rencontrés par hasard.Je pense qu'on s'est "reconnu" immediatement il y a sept ans.C'est assez difficile à expliquer.
Michael a sortide de l'acide de sa poche, on a partagé.On est resté là sur le banc a regarder les étoiles et rigoler, à se rememorer des souvenirs, pendant que l'acide agissait dans notre organisme.On s'est tenu la main fraternellement, et on s'est jurés de faire quelque chose de grandiose avant mon départ,de se fabriquer un souvenir qu'on puisse garder pour les moments ou on serait loin l'un de l'autre.

Apr. 16th, 2005 @ 01:01 am the grass is greener

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current disease:

yesss
Dope: the dandy wharols, the brianjonestownmassacre

So, I saw DIG! tonight.And as beautifully fucked up that Anton of the BrianJonesTown Massacre can be, that movie just made me happy.Just watching the greasy California streets,hipsters, the lost and the bewildered,junkies, drunkiards,underage girls and boys.Dreamers, fuckers, artists,fighters,idiots.I love them all!Love overwhelms me!it comes in several waves into my body,and it wont stop.Yep.It comes and go,it comes and go,again and again and again.
I finally concluded tonight that I was born to be in a rock'n'roll band.To live on the road, with friends to fight with,hug,hate and love.My nature is naturally nomadic.You need to move further, because you feel that something better is waiting for you elsewhere, even if you're already on the orad and it's already great.That's just desire that keeps you going on, and on and on.And the road, and the landscapes,the houses, the people,when they smile or insult you.
To complete this goal,a record or a few songs would help.Oh! no i'll be the first band with no record or songs.It will free me and you.No need to be in such an academic frame.If I want it, why dont I grab it? The first reason, as simple as a baby with down..drown syndrom, I cannot play music,nobody on planet Earth could beat be at the contest of the worst sucking bass play skills.or whatever i am saying.
Yet, somehow talent lays in my guts.I feel it everyday like a little baby.It's growing and it will have to come out, cause room will miss.It will see the light and shed light on all of you, like blowing a revealation.I can touch it now.What shape it will take remains still a mystery though.But it will save me , yes it will, hell!
Right now, it need a little more food to come into full blossom.I'll throw it up soon.Even, if I risk to burn in hell for having been through such a blissful moment of enthusiasm and empowerment,that caused this awful paragraph,it just I am kinda drunk with it.The desire to move.

It proves now imperative that new English word e added to my vocabulary.

headache

you love me

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